On Anger Management

Lately I’ve gotten angrier more often.  I’ve been actively managing my anger for decades, so this has been remarkable.

I decided not to dwell in anger over a decade ago.  By that I mean not buying into the idea that anger is appropriate other than as an indicator of a personal miscalibration. That was arguably the best thing I ever did for myself.

Nowadays anger management is like emotional diarrhea for me.  It’s that dreadful, and I want the same amount of privacy, for the same reasons.

I don’t judge or hate myself for having the process.  It was the proverbial “something I ate,” expanded here to include “that which was shoved down my throat.”  It’s six of one, half a dozen of the other.  Bottom line, it’s mine to deal with.  And this, too, shall pass.

 

Narcissists in Sheeps’ Clothing

I’m a huge fan of Richard Grannon from Spartan Life Coach.  I’ve thought quite a bit about narcissism and how it has played out in my life, but Richard is full of compelling insights.  And also quite nice looking.

Anyway, I’ve come to see that the most harmless-appearing people, the ones who are so annoying but so hapless or whatever that you can’t quite bring yourself to set petty boundaries with them, are some of the meanest people alive.  I would never have believed it had I not observed it twice in rapid succession with two different “sad sack” narcissists.

They are people who seem meek and vulnerable in some way.  They are impossible to communicate with, either an intermittent language barrier or “miscommunications” that end up with them doing exactly what they want and you off fucking yourself.

I find Grannon so pithy, so easy to follow, that I immediately put his ideas to use with some housemates with boundary issues.  What I finally grasped is that it isn’t harmless neurosis.  It’s a malignant need to control the outside world, for the thrill of getting over on others. The part where they must annoy someone else is absolutely vital.

They need all the same external validation as overt narcissists.  They have the same enormous sense of entitlement.   The world just hasn’t come to them and recognized their brilliance, and they’re outraged.

But because they’re “shy,” i.e., too insecure about criticism to interact, they must constantly seek revenge on everyone they encounter. They’re passive-aggressive, semi-oblivious to others, and petty AF, is what it comes down to.  They need that cheap thrill of rummaging through your things like addicts need their drug of choice.  You can’t just be the bigger person with them unless you want them taking bigger and bigger bites out of your personal space.  They are just cowards in kill or be killed mode, basically.

I live at an inn with a shared kitchen.  No one actually manages the kitchen, which means that the most aggressive people make everyone work around them.  Grannon has shown me that harmless annoyances are actually signs of larger problems.  I no longer feel petty in calling shit out.  I told the manager that some boots needed to get up some asses, and either she can do it nicely or I can just regulate. Stick a fork in my fat Irish ass.

The manager is awesome.  She sent out a group text to everyone reminding them to be considerate.  The “helper” couple that live here are aggressive in using the common areas.  When they got the text, they responded with the following.  I note that it was a classic “miscommunication,” where the issues were muddled in a way that made them look like the victim of some petty person.

Thank you for sharing this.  I guess if guilty of the toaster..oops..I borrowed it to use and got busy downstairs and forgot to take back to the kitchen.  I was not STEALING IT.. LOL. But it has been put back in the common kitchen.  Please forgive me,, the old forgetful mind..Have an awesome day 🙂 [All mistakes sic]

So that’s bullshit, and fuck her for saying it.  My response.

Hey I think it’s obnoxious for employees to annoy the tenants and then get defensive about it in a group text.

So please respect the fact that we are not coworkers.  I’m a customer.  Hotel staff is normally seen and not heard, speak when spoken to.

If you have any of my kitchen items, my blue sponge or tupperware, put them back.  Thanks! ❤

So many dicks, so few Richards.